Ways To Torment the Fellowship
by Foundations of Stone
Summary: Just my idea of fun ways to torment the Fellowship we all know and love...WARNING: This  was written on a sugar high so it may have some "odd" ideas. More ideas are welcome! Book/Movieverse. Rated "T" for potential violence.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm sure this has been done numerous times, but this is what happens when I'm stuck in a hotel room with no internet, very little sleep and lots of Root all goes well, I'll write a chapter for each idea.  
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_**Disclaimer: I don't ( as in DO NOT) own LOTR any of the characters places names, ect... If I did, Frodo would have died a looong time ago and Sam would have taken the ring to Mount Doom.**_

1. Unleash an army of rabid Legolas fangirls

2. Dance around Gandalf singing about how Saurman has a longer beard, and is much wiser.

3. Steal all of Merry's and Pippin's pipeweed and replace it with Chili powder.

4. Give Legolas the Beiber cut and start singing " Baby" whenever you see him.

5. After the Beiber joke has gotten old, Dye his hair pink.

6. Shave his hair.

7. Buy him a mirror for Christmas

8. Ask Aragorn about his secret love for Legolas

9. When he denies it, go ask Legolas, in front of the rest of the fellowship.

10. Shout " They're taking the hobbits to Isengard" at random times

11. Sing " Friday" at hte most dramatic and serious times.

12. Stalk Frodo saying " My Precioussssss" when he stops to look at the Ring.

13. Teach Merry and Pippin " I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves"

14. Follow Gimli around telling him all the great things about Elves and all the Flaws with Dwarves.

15. Tell Sam that you accidentally dropped the Ring in the soup that he just ate.

16. Wash Aragorn's hair in a nearby river, nearly drowning him in the process.

17. Tell Aragorn that Arwen doesn't really love him, she just wants to become queen.

18. Say " I sense a disturbance in the Force" whenever you see Boromir or Frodo.

19. Give Frodo lots of sugar/Root Beer/Coke and have him sing, " We all live in the yellow submarine"

20. Whenever Gimli asks a question or says something, say " moo"


	2. We're just getting warmed up

_**Here it is, as promised the official first chapter of Ways To Torment the Fellowship. Enjoy! **_

_**Disclaimer: If I promise not to sell this story, do you promise not to sue? I don't own any of the characters/ places/ items except for Steph, Jess, and my authors baton.**_

1. Unleash an army of rabid Legolas fan girls.

Frodo was sitting on a rock, watching Merry and Pippin train with Boromir, Sam was cooking something, Gimli was smoking his pipe, Gandalf was lost in thought and Legolas was watching the path that they were to take. All of a sudden, he heard a yelp as Pippin feigned being hurt by Boromir, and watched as Merry and Pippin tackled the Gondorian to the ground. Aragorn was also dragged into the mix as he tried to stop them but was tackled as well by the hobbits. Suddenly, he heard Legolas cry out in horror, and when Frodo turned to look at what had scared the elf, he saw something so horrible, that he had to run and hide behind a boulder. He heard Boromir call " quick, hide!" and moved aside as the big Gondorian dove behind Frodo's boulder. The man and the hobbit peered out from behind their hiding spot and watched as an army of females, of all ages, came marching up the hill, frothing at the mouth, obviously searching for something. " Find him!" the apparent leader barked at the others, " we will not rest until he is found." The strange females dug around in crevices and bushes looking for " him", whoever that was. " I FOUND HIM, I FOUND HIM!" shrieked one of the younger ones, dragging a petrified Legolas behind her. All of the girls screamed when they saw him and charged over to the girl and the elf. Legolas managed to shake off the girl's grip and decided it would be a good idea to run. No sooner had he started bounding up the slope of the mountain, the girls noticed their captive had freed himself, and ran after him, arms stretched out in an effort to catch him. Legolas' screams were heard from miles away.

Two sisters rode through the nearby forest on the horses that the fangirls had given them in exchange for Legolas' location, although where they had gotten them, was a mystery to the sisters. " Steph, do you think we're almost there?" asked Jessica, the younger of the sisters, but the much, much more normal one of the two. " Yep" replied Stephanie, her older sister, and the nerd in the family. " I can see Caradhras from here"

" English please, I don't speak nerd"

" Ugh, the mountain that the Fellowship climbed to get to Moria"

"... oh..."

Stephanie rolled her eyes and the two girls continued on in silence, until Jessica asked " do you think we told them the right direction?" Steph grinned " did you hear Legolas' screams?" " yep" came the muffled reply. Steph turned her head to see Jessica fixing her hair and holding the elastic she used in her mouth. She sighed " Anyways, as I was saying, that's how you know they found him." Jess rode faster to catch up with her older sister, " Why do you study Middle Earth and all the histories, legends, and stuff like that"

" I enjoy it, I find learning about the creation of Middle Earth, the Valar, the Maia, Elves, Dwarves, the coming of Men into the west, learning about elves that actually had flaws, reading about all the times men have failed epically, fascinating."

" Then why do you hate history class so much"

"It's all about men messing up then doing something wonderful, messing up then doing something wonderful, mess- you get the point"

" sort of"

Steph shrugged " oh well, we're almost there anyways" and she instantly sped up, racing for the mountain with Jessica right behind her.

The fellowship watched in shock as the Legolas was chased up the mountainside by an army of, apparently, rabid females. " Should we try to rescue him?" Pippin inquired, still staring at the mountainside,"Don't bother" came a cheerful voice from behind them, the fellowship all whipped around, only to see two girls sitting calmly on a rock, acting as if nothing had happened. " They promised to stop chasing him once they reached Moria", suddenly all of the fellowship started asking questions at the same time. " Who were those people that took Legolas?" " Why did they take him" " What do you mean they promised to stop chasing him once they reached Moria?" " Who are you?" " Where do you come from?" " Why are you here?" Only Gandalf and Aragorn were silent, obviously pondering something, Meanwhile, the older one of the two girls decided she was tired of all the questions, she jumped up shouting and pointing a strange stick at them, " SHUT UP OR I'LL USE MY AUTHORS BATON ON ALL OF YOU!" they all stopped talking abruptly. " I will answer your questions one at a time." the girl announced, seeming to calm down almost immediately, " those girls that chased Legolas were called " Fangirls" a very dangerous form of monster, but you can bargain with them" she stopped and pointed to the horses standing off to the side, " those fangirls gave us those horses in exchange for the location of Legolas" she pointed her baton at Aragorn who had opened his mouth to say something as a warning, " They took him because, well,... they're obsessed with him, think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and keep him for themselves" both girls shuddered " Like I said, we made a deal with them, if they gave us horses and promised to stop chasing Legolas once they reached Moria, we would give the fangirls his location" the younger girl hissed " hurry up, I want to get to the fun stuff" the older girl rolled her eyes " in time my young tormentor, padawan, in time"" anyways" she continued " My name is Stephanie and this is my younger sister Jessica" she pointed to the other girl, " we come from a country called Canada in a world called Earth, not Middle, Upper or Lower earth, just plain old Earth" Stephanie paused for a moment ," and we're here to... well, you'll find out later." Both Jessica and Stephanie grinned evilly at the fellowship. " I strongly suggest you allow us to journey with you, or there could be consequences" Stephanie informed them casually, tossing her " baton" into the air and catching it again, as if to threaten them. " very well" murmured Gandalf, speaking for the first time since the " fangirl" incident " you two may travel with us"" but on one condition" the crazy old wizard added sharply " you must never tell ANY " fangirls" our location again." The two sisters looked at each other and nodded, " agreed" Jessica smiled as Stephanie had another evil grin on her face. The whole fellowship sighed, this was going to be one long journey. " As for poor Legolas, I suppose our only option is to go through Moria" Gandalf announced. The two sisters grinned at each other and hi-fived, everything was going as planned. " We're just getting warmed up" Stephanie hissed to Gandalf " that wasn't even the worst thing we could do." The look on the old wizard's face was priceless.

_** Thank you to : Geni, DragongirlIM, Tiara d' Cullen and The Awesome One for reviewing! :D You guys made my day. Thankyou to DragongirlIM, Tiara d' Cullen, and The Awesome one for favouring me! :D I know this one wasn't very funny but I promise the next chapters will be. Remember guys: R&R**_

_**P.S. I will only be updating once or twice a week due to my crazy life. I'm posting this chapter now because I 'll be away at camp without internet next week. It will most likely be once a week especially once school starts up again... **_


	3. I really hate five year old Drama Queens

_I'm sorry this took so long. I was at camp without internet... Anyways, on with the story!_

_**Jessica:**_** Wait! You forgot the disclaimer!**

_**Me: *pouts* Do I have to?**_

_**Jessica: Yes, no getting around it**_

_**Me: *Sighs* I don't own the fellowship, ME, Or anything/ anybody in it. * glares at Jess* Good enough?**_

_**Jess: It'll do.**_

2. Dance around Gandalf singing about how Saurman has a longer beard, and is much wiser

Boromir was tired of trudging up the side of this cursed mountain. He was carrying Merry and Pippin while, making a path with Aragorn, who was carrying Frodo and Sam, through the snow for the others. It didn't help that the two strange girls, Stephanie and Jessica, had been throwing snowballs at everyone for the whole time. He breathed a sigh of relief as the girls became tired of throwing snowballs, (apparently they were boring targets) then groaned, as they began singing a ridiculous song about Bananas not being in the sky.

"_There are no bananas in the sky, in the sky, _ _There are no bananas in the sky, in the sky, there's a sun, and a moon, and a COCONUT CREAM PIE, but there are no bananas in the sky._" Stephanie and Jessica sang at the top of their lungs, while skipping up the side of the mountain, grinning as they heard Boromir groan at their singing. The Fellowship still hadn't run into Legolas, who was most likely at the entrance to Moria, battered and bruised from the fangirl attack. " Hey" Stephanie whispered to Jessica " part one is complete, time for part two." Jess smirked, " can I do this one?" "sure" Stephanie paused " if you think you can handle it." " Of course I can handle it, why else would I ask if I could try." the younger girl snapped at her older sister. Jessica pranced ( yes I did say pranced) up to Gandalf, and began dancing around him, singing: " Saurman has a longer beard than Gandalf, and of course is much wiser, the length of Gandalf's beard and the level of his knowledge, could never compare to Saurman's, Gandalf's beard is dirty, and Saurman's is flirty-" Jessica stopped abruptly " I think I may have scared myself just now" she shuddered " I was never good at writing songs anyways" she glared at Stephanie who was rolling in the snow laughing at her sister's mistake. Gandalf had an irritated look on his face " Saurman is NOT wiser, and my beard is NOT shorter" he growled " yes he is" called Steph from behind, " He invented bombs, did anyone else? Nooooooo, therefore, he is much wiser" " What are bombs?" asked Pippin "errr" the girl struggled to come up with a simple explanation for bombs " they're kinda like fireworks, only they are designed to kill and destroy things like, big walls and big fortresses leading into caves drilled into mountains" pippin still looked confused " okayyy" and that was the end of that conversation.

When they reached the entrance to Moria, the first thing the fellowship noticed, was Legolas, curled up in the fetal position on the ground, rocking back and forth. Legolas glanced up, his eyes flickered with relief as he noticed the fellowship, but screamed as he saw the girls, and ran behind Aragorn. " are they here for me too?" he wimpered, pointing at the two sisters who were smirking at him. Stephanie ran up to him, laughing as he cowered in fear, " nah, we're just the ones who sent those girls after you" Legolas stood up " You sent those-those THINGS after me?" " DIE!" he shot an arrow at stephanie, eyes widening as she pulled out a colorful stick and used it to deflect the arrow. Everyone was silent for a moment, until they heard Jessica mutter " drat, stupid reception, I can't get any service here" they all turned to stare at her " What on earth are you doing?" Stephanie was obviously as confused as everyone else " I was trying to text mom and let her know that we'd be late for dinner" Jessica went back to trying to get a signal " You're worrying that we'll be late for dinner, when I'm in the middle of making Legolas look like the girl that he is" " HEY!" Legolas shouted " I am NOT a girl" he prepared to shoot another arrow " Don't bother" Aragorn sighed " we've tried everything, you can't get rid of them" the elf's eyes flicked back and forth between the girls and Aragorn " They have promised not to send anymore fangirls after you or anyone else." Legolas put his arrow away " I'm Stephanie and this is Jessica" Stephanie introduced herself and her sister to the nervous elf. Jessica smiled at poor Legolas feeling a flash of pity for her sisters apparent target " Don't worry, we won't do anything that could **physically** harm you" Stephanie laughed, putting a special emphasis on physically, and watched as the elf visibly relaxed.

Moria was pretty boring, all it was, was stone, stone, a skeleton or two, old diaries ( who knew that dwarves kept diaries, Steph was going to have to make fun of Gimli for that later), arrows, blah, blah, blah. The girls were getting rather bored, and everyone knew how dangerous things got when Stephanie and Jessica were bored. Once, they had replaced Gandalf's staff with a painted old stick, it took him all day to figure out the switch. Another time, they had cut Gimli's beard into the shape of a tree, Legolas enjoyed that one, Gimli had not. Anyways, they had FINALLY reached Balin's tomb when Stephanie and Jessica started bickering about something.

" I'm the Lord of the Rings nerd, I should get to say it"

" But it's one of the few, emphasis on few, lines that I have completely memorized"

" NO WAY!" Stephanie roared, and everyone became silent except for Gimli, who was still crying over his cousin or something being dead. Suddenly, a random arrow shot out of nowhere, nearly hitting Jessica, but due to her lack of height it missed. Boromir, Aragorn and Legolas ran over to bar the door, when Boromir and the girls all shouted at the same time " they have a cave troll!" Gimli decided that now was a good time to do his creepy war dance thingy on Balin's tomb shouting, " Let em' come! There's still one dwarf in Moria that draws breath!" Jess and Steph quit their staring contest and began laughing at Gimli " Great way to show respect to a dead relative Gimli, I applaud you for that" Stephanie called before using her baton to " poof" a bow and some arrows for Jessica, and a couple of daggers for herself before they charged into the fight. After the fight, which ended soon after Legolas decided to kill the cave troll, everyone , except the girls, thought Frodo had died, until Aragorn pulled the spear lance thingy out of him, and he woke up, gasped for breath, did the usual drama queen routine, ( the girls were very disappointed, they thought their presence would have changed the story and killed him, but oh well) and they all headed off again.

" Blondie, why did you have to kill him? I was going to keep him, and call him Fred, and feed him, and ride him, and play with him, and eventually attack him with marshmallows and watermelons" Stephanie whined, Legolas looked absolutely bewildered " What are you talking about?" " THE CAVE TROLL YOU IDIOT" Jessica snapped " She's never going to let you forget this now" she growled shuddering at the thought of her crazy, older sister having a cave troll for a pet. " Why don't you just get a horse or something?" Jess asked " a horse is NOT half as dangerous as a cave troll or even a morpheel" was apparently a good reason in the nerd's books. " What on Earth is a Morpheel?" was most likely what everyone was thinking ( except for Steph) but only Jess said it out loud " a morpheel is the Twilight Princess water temple boss" Stephanie seemed pleased that she, again, knew something everyone else didn't. Silence... " Uhh, geezer" Jessica asked pulling at Gandalf's robes " what's that" everyone looked in the direction she was looking " IT'S THE BALROG GUYS, FLEE!" Stephanie shouted, and for once, they believed her. Skipping ahead a bit the fellowship was all jumping across that thin bridge thingy ( why on earth did dwarves build such thin bridges, weren't they huge?) when Aragorn picked up Jess and chucked her to Boromir, ( she was rather annoyed) and before he could grab Steph, she jumped across shouting " I CAN FLY!" Skipping ahead again, Geezer fought the Balrog, and evidently lost while Frodo decided to be a drama queen and scream in his high pitched, girly voice " GANDALFFFFFFFFF." Poor Aragorn had to carry him, again, out of Moria and into the light. Miss Drama Queen- ahem, I mean Frodo decided to be all dramatic and walk off and cry in a corner. Stephanie smirked at Aragorn " here Simba, I can take care of Miss Drama Queen for you, he'll be back in no time." Needless to say, Frodo showed his true MDQ ( Miss Drama Queen) colors, he threw a tantrum, proving Stephanie's assumptions to be true, he was a five year old girl AND a drama queen. 

** Thank you to: Tiara d' Cullen, The Awesome one, and randomewriter90 for reviewing, you guys are the best! :) Thank you to all who added this story and myself onto their alert list, I'm sorry I can't name you guys, my stupid e-mail hates me..:P Again, I am so sorry this took so long, darn you internetless camps... Actually it was a pretty awesome camp. I might be working there next year... AND the staff get free wifi yay! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! R&R guys! **

** ~ Foundations of Stone**


	4. Frodo Stew! Yummy!

Heya guys, as of now I will only be updating on Wednesdays because, well, Wednesdays happen to be my favourite day. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or anywhere/one/thing in it. I don't own Brawl either... well I own a copy but I don't think that counts...**

Ugh, Frodo was _still_ acting like some stupid MDQ, throwing tantrums until even Gandalf wanted to push him into Mount Doom, was _not cool_. Stephanie gritted her teeth, if she had to listen to the hobbit's tantrums _one more time_, She'd take the ring, and hand the bratty hobbit over to Sauron himself. " Stephanie" Jessica groaned " Can we _please_ put the list aside, just this one time, and find some other way to make him stop?" "Fine" Stephanie smirked " I have the perfect idea" Jessica grinned, as her older sister whispered into her ear the plan.

" Yo, author person" Jessica seemingly called to no one in particular.

_Ugh, what is it this time_

Jessica smiled " Steph and I need you to do us a favour"

_Not again, the last time you guys needed a "Favour" I ended up with people trying to sue me_

" Aw, nothing that could get you sued, _this time_"

_are you begging?_

" Shut up" the curly haired girl scowled " I'm not begging, just getting dangerously close to begging"

_Pifft, same difference. Also, you do realize that if I " shut up", you're pretty much stuck here. After all, I write the story, not you. Anyways, what is this "Favour" you speak of?_

Jess ignored the first half of the author's comment and grinned, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief " You just need to teleport us inside the Super Smash Bros. Brawl game, and set us up in a game where everybody is against Frodo"

_What is your definition of "us", and do you want people controlling your every move inside the game?_

" Us, refers to the fellowship plus Steph and I. As for people controlling us? That'd be great, if possible, well... not me and Steph, but for sure the fellowship."

_Whatever_

Jessica returned to the group, looking quite satisfied as Stephanie ran over to her and asked " How'd it go?"

" Well, you know, she was reluctant at first, but she came around, eventually"

" She always does"

The whole fellowship was completely and utterly lost. All they knew was that the girls were planing something even worse than before. " Who is this _She_, you lassies keep talking about?" came Gimli's gruff, awesome dwarf voice. Stephanie turned to grin at the dwarf " She, is the author of this story, that we are in right now." Yup, the fellowship was definitely lost. The girls smiled knowingly at each other, " we're going on a little ...trip..." they laughed as they were teleported to the wonderful world of Brawl.

DIE FRODO, DIE!" Stephanie screeched, as she began to charge after Frodo with a rather large, dangerous, sharp-looking sword. " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the wimpy hobbit screamed as the other players made their characters: Aragorn, Pippin, and Merry also chase after Frodo. Suddenly, Stephanie noticed a glowing, floating, colourful, ball thingy with a black "S" on it poof out of nowhere and float around the stage. " AHHHHHHHHHHH SMASH BALLLLLLLL!" she cried, as she stopped chasing MDQ and dove for the Smash ball, slashing at it with her large, dangerous, sharp-looking sword.

" YEAHHHHH STEPH! BEAT EM' Up!" Jessica shouted from the contestant waiting room, laughing as her sister immediately changed her target to the Smash Ball, the moment she noticed it. Gimli's, Gandalf's, Sam's, Boromir's and Legolas' eyes bulged out of their heads as they watched,: Aragorn, Merry, and Pippin all started attacking Frodo, making him step backwards, getting closer and closer to the edge.

" Yes I got it!" Stephanie crowed with triumph as she felt the smash powers transfer inside her, before aligning herself with Frodo and preparing to use her awesomesauce, epic final smash.

"I'M SO SORRY FRODO!" Merry, Pippin, and Aragorn sobbed as they drove the whimpering hobbit closer and closer to the edge. The three watched in horror as a youth in a green tunic and a rather ridiculous hat, dash over to Frodo, put this three triangle thingy* around him, and begin to slash at the hobbit numerous times.

" NOOOOOOO MISTER FRODO NOOOOOO" Sam wailed from the contestant viewing room as he watched Frodo became chopped liver in only a matter of seconds, and screamed as Frodo flew off the screen, nearly coming out of the T.V. and hitting the poor players.

Aragorn, Merry, and Pippin looked miserably at the youth in the green tunic and ridiculous hat. " Why'd ya do that" Pippin cried angrily, " relax dude" ridiculous hat guy rolled his eyes " he'll be back in a minute or so" " Really?" all three gasped " No duh." again, the rolling of the eyes " haven't you guys ever played Super Smash Bros.: Brawl?" all three shook their heads " oh, noobies, that would explain it" " anyways" he continued " I'm Link, Hero of Time, Winds, Light, Twilight. But you can just call me Link."

Sam cried out with relief as he saw Frodo brought back by a hoverboard thingy, and tackled the angsty hobbit in a Huggle*. Gandalf glared at Jessica " whatever this madness is, I _demand_ you to stop it." " No way" jess smirked at the crazy old geezer " This is just too much fun." Whatever Geezer was about to say was lost in Frodo's petrified screams as : Gimli, Boromir, Legolas, and Sam were forced to charge and attempt to push him off the edge. Jess grinned, " this is just too easy" she shouted to whoever the players were, picking up her bow and arrows, and attempted to shoot Frodo along with Blondie.

Meanwhile back in the contestant's viewing room...

" So these guys, are Marth and Ike, two of the worst characters ever" the two men glared at Link "and this is Kirby" a pink fluffball waved at Aragorn, Merry and Pippin, " this is Zelda, and she's an O.k. Character, as long as she's in sheik form" A beautiful princess nodded to the trio before transforming into a ninja-like person thing. Link pointed to a Wolf " And this is..."

Jessica was tired of her team almost pushing Frodo off the edge, and then he somehow, was able to jump back up onto the stage, so when she saw the SB ( Smash Ball) she took her chance and transferred its powers into her. " I CALLL KIRBY" She shouted and the pink fluffball poofed onto the stage. " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Frodo screamed as he was thrown into a giant pot and cooked into a stew. " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Sam tried to dump the contents of the pot out, in hopes of finding Frodo, but it was too heavy for him. " Po-Ta-Toes, boil em' mash em' stick em' in a stew: Jessica sang as the fellowship froze, horrified.

" Well" Link commented " that Kirby certainly gets the job done", the blonde watched in amusement as Stephanie rolled on the floor laughing at both Frodo's fate, and the fellowship's reaction. Stephanie started to get up off the floor, when she noticed Frodo go flying off the screen, which, of course, set her off again. Pippin turned to Link " has anyone ever told you how strange that hat looks?" " Meh" Link shrugged " all the time, but it's better than walking around with a bird on your head" " Why did you have a bird on your head?" Merry also turned from the viewing window and sat down in front of Link, obviously asking for a story. " well" Link began " it all started with this Picori named Vaati..."

" Mr. Frodo, are you sure you're alright?" Sam asked worriedly as he, Frodo, Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, and Jessica were teleported to the viewing room. " I'm sure Sam, don't worry about me" Jess rolled her eyes, of course Frodo would go all MDQ at every opportunity that came up. " Frodo!" she snapped " the very reason we came here, was to cure you of your Drama queeness!" Frodo had a very evil grin on his face at that comment " MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" was all he said before he ran off somewhere. " Mister Frodo, wait! My Love!-errrr did I just say that out loud?" a very red Sam asked. As everyone nodded he turned an even deeper shade of red and dashed off after his "love" "well" Steph Murmured from behind the group " I always thought that their relationship seemed like it was more than friendship..." Jess shuddered " I think I may have been scarred for life just now"

" Yo, Author!"

_What is it now..._

" I just wanted to tell you how awesome that Brawl session was without you"

_go ahead, try me. Just keep in mind that I could kill you off right now..._

" hehe, ermmmm, ah... well you see... I gotta go, bye"

_foolish mortals_

The fellowship landed on the ground of Middle Earth, breathing a sigh of relief as there was no sigh of any Brawl contestants or anything Brawl related anywhere... Well' except for Pit and his angel army, who had brought them back." Bye guys, thanks for the ride back" Stephanie called to Pit and his angle army as they flew away, ignoring the hostile stares she received from the fellowship, and the evil one from Frodo. Jessica jogged back over to the fellowship from her meeting place with the author, looking slightly nervous. " What's up with you?" Steph questioned her younger sister.

" Author's in a bad mood"

" Oh boy, what'd you do to upset her..."

" nothing really, I just thought I'd tell her how much fun we had without her"

"_bad _idea" Stephanie did a facepalm, "you know how much she wishes she could join in on our fun..."

" I do now"

" Ugh, next time, _I_ get author duty"

"deal" the two girls shook hands. " You ready to get back to the list?" Jess asked the older girl " Absolutely" Steph grinned " I just realized that we made Frodo stew today" " huh?" Jess tilted her head in confusion. "well" Stephanie began " First Link turned him into chopped liver, and then Kirby cooked him in a pot!" " BAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Jessica found that very humorous apparently...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frodo would get his revenge on the two strange ladies. Oh yes, he would indeed. It would be so terrible that it would send them crying to their mother. Frodo smirked as he began formulating his plan for revenge...He stared at the ring as it whispered to him, Sauron wanted the ring? He would get it... as long as the dark lord agreed to assist Frodo in his revenge...

Yay! I finally made time to write this chappie up! Mind you, it is currently 3:00 A.M. So I'll pay for this tomorrow... I hope you guys liked this chapter, it was fun to write. :)Thankyou to randomwriter90 for reviewing :D

Don't forget to review guys...Pretty please, with a cherry on top? :D Reviews both make my day, and they are an incentive for writing new chapters, so now you guys have a new reason to review. :)

* the triangle thingy is called the Triforce, it represents the three goddesses ( Din Nayru, and Farore) their triforce pieces ( Power, Wisdom, Courage) and their chosen ones ( Ganon(dorf), Zelda, and Link) for all you non-Zelda players.

* For all of you who don't know, a Huggle is a combination of a hug and a Cuddle.


	5. Ducks are like waterproof Chickens

_Heya guys! I'm so sorry it took so long, see below for excuses :). Anyways, this chapter becomes a bit more serious, but I hope you guys enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, I don't own LOTR, any of the characters/ places. Or things... See my profile for my full disclaimer... I'm too lazy to type up the whole thing...**

3. Steal all of Merry's and Pippin's pipeweed and replace it with Chili powder.

Pippin opened his eyes, and began to glance around the fellowship's make-shift camp. Merry, Boromir, Gandalf, Legolas, and Aragorn were all still alseep, Frodo was sulking about something while sitting under a tree, and Sam was stirring something in a pot, over a fire. " Morning Pippin" Sam greeted him as he sat down beside the quieter hobbit, " Morning Sam" Pippin replied while looking around the campsite again, the two girls weren't there. " knowing those ladies, they're probably planning something" was Sam's irritated response when Pippin had asked him about Stephanie's and Jessica's whereabouts. Pippin smiled at Sam " come on Sam, they don't mean any harm, this is just their way of having fun" Sam glared at Pippin " Fun, should not be trying to hurt someone, who is already bearing a great burden" "AND" he added " why are YOU siding with some strange women, whom we met only a week ago" Sam was becoming dangerously close to yelling. " pipe down Sam!" Pippin hissed to the overweight Hobbit " You'll wake the whole fellowship up", Sam merely glared at Pip before turning back to his pot. Pippin sighed, it would take Sam a long time to get over the whole " Brawl" incident, he got up from his spot beside the fire, and went off searching for the two girls.

*****************************Meanwhile***********************************

Stephanie and Jessica trudged through the forest looking for the perfect spot to have their meeting. " AHA!" Jessica cried as she found a perfect clearing, across the river. " Look Steph," she called her older sister over " How's that clearing?" " Hrmmmmmm, it could work, but it has to be out of sight, _no one_ can see us" Stephanie called from her perch, in a tree. Jessica grinned " howabout, I go over and run around, dance, try to make myself seen, and if you can't see me from that tree, then it's a good spot?" " okayyyy" Steph sounded hesitant " If you're attacked by anything, and I can't see you, just scream" Stephanie ordered from her tree. Jessica sighed " I can take care of myself, thank you very much" Stephanie didn't respond, so Jessica assumed her sister had heard her, and she headed to a shallow point in the river. Stephanie had been sitting in the tree for an hour or so, when all of a sudden, something fell from the sky

" ano835yjfn3ug_(**(7(8niofg_"

Stephanie looked around in confusion " Who's there?" she called to the air. " Sorry bout' that, Piper stepped on the keyboard" came an irritated voice, Steph whipped around and came face to face with none other than...

*******************************Meanwhile*********************************

Pippin was walking through the forest, when he heard two voices, both were feminine, but one was bored and threatening at the same time, and the other was irritated and guarded. He pushed his way through the undergrowth, and nearly ran right into another girl. " Pip" Stephanie narrowed her eyes at the other girl " this is the authoress that Jess and I mentioned" Pippin looked at the girl, she had shoulder length chestnut coloured hair, that was straight except for the tips of her hair, which had a slight curl to them. Her eyes were a misty blue grey colour, that seemed to pierce right through you. Her skin was slightly tanned but had a yellowish pigment to it. The "authoress" smirked at Pippin " just being called _the authoress_, gets boring after a while, so you can just call me Lee from now on." Stephanie looked like she was going to faint from shock " y-you gave away your t-true name?"Stephanie stuttered " you _never_ do that!" Lee shrugged " I was getting tired of just being " the authoress."

The girls glanced at the sky " oh no" Lee groaned " What" Pippin asked beginning to worry " I just remembered, I left Piper by the keyboard" Stephanie's eyes widened in horror " run for your lives" she screeched. Suddenly more things began falling from the sky.

" HOI&(HHK((&HBGT%RFT" nearly crushed Pippin, but Lee pulled him away in time.

"BBBHNJGSDVJHDBJD*&^%$##$%" landed right on Stephanie's foot as she yelped in pain. When the trio glanced at the sky again, they saw another message that frightened them.

" PIPER RULES NOW! YOU SILLY MORTALS AND AUTHORESS, WILL BE CRUSHED, ALONG WITH EVERY PERSON OR THING IN MY QUEST TO RULE THE WORLD!"

Stephanie shuddered " Who knew that a five or six pound Shorkie puppy could become a villain"

" Well, she _is_ my dog, would you expect any less?"

" come to think of it, no"

" Your world must be a very dark place if dogs can become evil"

" Yup, our would is definitely a dark place, but not due to the dogs"

" What makes it dark then?"

" Men, Women, people in general" the two girls chorused. The trio began walking back to the camp when they heard a scream. Stephanie froze and instantly started running back to the river. " What are you doing" Pippin and Lees called starting after her " That was Jessica's scream" Stephanie shouted over the wind, trying to judge how wide the river was, and if she could make it across without looking for a shallow point.

********************************Meanwhile********************************

Jessica felt her spidey senses tingling, and she jumped to the left, landing on the ground with a thud just as an arrow wizzed by her head, hitting the tree right above her. " I hope Steph gets here soon" she muttered to herself, picking up a branch and attempting to use it as a club. Jess suddenly felt something pierce her side, and she cried out in pain as she looked at what had caused the pain. " Great, just great" she glared at the arrow in her side, and she nearly fell over as a sword came dangerously close to cutting her in half. She could picture the Red queen from Alice in Wonderland leading the Uruk Hai, while shouting " OFF WITH HER HEAD!" The thought made Jessica smile, she even laughed a bit. " What are you laughing about _human_" snarled one of the Uruk Hai, standing a little bit too close to her, hatred filling his voice as he said the word " Human", while attempting to slice her head off with his sword. " uhh, uhh" The thirteen year old girl scrambled to think of an answer " I call Jigglypuff" she screamed at the top of her lungs... The three Uruk Hai that had attacked her, stop fighting and stared at her. When nothing happened, the three Orc-Goblin hybrids stared at Jessica with a strange look on their faces... The Uruk-Hai that had referred to her as " _Human_" barked something at the others in the Black Speech before turning back to the terrified girl with a malicious smile on his face, " We were sent here to find something, a halfling, he has an elvish weapon that my master wants, tell me where it is" the monster gave Jessica a second to think. _ The ring, they're after the ring_! Jessica realized with a start, too late, the captain must have seen the look of realization cross her face as his grin grew even wider on his ugly face. Jessica stepped backwards slowly before she backed up into a tree, there was nowhere left to run, she had Uruk-Hai's surrounding her on three sides, while the tree blocked her fourth and only escape... The two side Uruk-Hai's started pulling out some black rope, as Jessica looked closer, she saw that it had tiny, sharp, barbs sticking out of it. " Please Steph, hurry" she whispered, a single tear slowly falling down her cheek, this was NOT part of the plan, she and Steph came here to have fun and torment the fellowship, not die right at the beginning. So much for her happy ending.

***********************************Meanwhile*****************************

Stephanie, Lee, and Pippin had finally made it across the river, mind you, all three of them were wet, due to Stephanie's and Pippin's lack of balance. Lee and Steph, who had been coming up with strategies, sudden;y crashed into Pippin's back as he halted. " Why'd you stop?" Lee growled, irritatedly. Pippin pulled aside some branches, " Look" he hissed, " there she is" and sure enough, there was Jessica, trapped against a tree, surrounded by three Uruk -Hai. " Alright guys, I'm going in" Stephanie announced quietly to Lee and Pippin before attempting to poof some weapons using her baton. Lee and Pippin waited, Steph tried banging her baton against her hand, then her leg, and finally a tree. The teen groaned " What is it?" Pippin asked, tilting his head in confusion " hehe" Stephanie laughed nervously " I kinda...ermmm, forgot to put new batteries in my Baton..."

" What are batteries?"

" that doesn't matter Pippin!"

" Be nice Lee, it's not his fault that we're more advanced than he is"

" Guys-"

" shut up Pip" both girls glared at the hobbit before starting to argue with each other. " It's not my fault that I left my spare batteries back at the camp!" Stephanie growled

" You_ Idiot_! If you had your batteries, then Jessica would be safe by now!"

" Guys-" Poor Pippin tried again, with no avail.

" Why don't _you_ give me some batteries, after all, you _are_ the authoress, you can do whatever you feel like"

" I can't!"

" Why ever not?"

" Because I don't have my stinkin' authoress powers until tomorrow!"

" What! Why?"

" Ugh, it's a long story"

" I have time"

" NO YOU DON'T" Pippin snapped at the arguing girls. He turned to Stephanie hissing, "you realize that, at this very moment, Jessica is being tied up with barbed wire." Stephanie looked horrified, " Why didn't you tell me!" She shrieked, grabbing Pippin by the shoulder and shaking him. Pippin looked like he wanted to slap himself and Lee was getting more impatient by the minuet. Lee opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off as the trio heard a small whimper. They all turned to look at what had made the noise. It was Jessica, being roughly tied to the back of one of the Uruk-Hai, with barbed wire. Pippin, Lee, and Stephanie all glanced at each other before charging into the clearing, trying to free Jessica.

********************************Rewind a few minuets*********************

Jessica had given up all hope of being rescued by her sister, and had decided that if she was going to get out of this mess, she was going to have to do it herself. She froze, hearing hushed whispers, she strained her ears, trying to figure out who was there. After listening for a few moments, she decided that it was her sister after all, and Pippin was there as well, the third voice wasn't so familiar, but it sounded a lot like the authoress' voice. Jessica yelped as the Lead Uruk-hai grabbed her roughly, and started tying her the to back of an Uruk-Hai, tears sprang to her eyes again as she felt the pointed, metal, barbs digging into her flesh, any movement and it would tear her flesh even more. After carefully listening to snippets of the conversation held right behind the bushes to he left, she realized with a feeling of dread, the none of her rescuers had any way of rescuing her. She heard Pippin snap something at Stephanie, and then some more hushed whispers, before her sister, Pippin, and some strange girl who sounded just like the authoress, charged into the clearing, and tried to take down her captors with some large branches... The Uruk-Hai somehow managed to dodge every blow, finished tying Jessica up, before they started running at an incredible pace through the forest. The last thing Jessica heard before she blacked out, was Stephanie calling to her, telling Jessica to have a good ride, and to meet the Fellowship at their next destination. Of course, Jessica knew that she was talking about Lothlorien, and her only concern was: _ how do I get away from these guys_.

*************************************Later*******************************

" So now what?" Lee asked Stephanie and Pippin as they returned from their meeting with the rest of the fellowship. " We will be continuing on our way" Stephanie responded calmly. " How can you be calm?" Pippin cried " your _sister_ was just kidnapped, and, there is now some dog trying to take over Middle Earth!" Stephanie and Lee sighed " it doesn't matter Pip" Stephanie frowned at the hobbit before heading over Merry to help him pack up for the next leg of the trip.

" AHHHHHHHHHHH Spicy, Spicy!" Merry and Pippin screamed as they ran around in circles desperately trying to find some water, or at least _something_ that would soothe the burning in their mouths and lungs. Stephanie and Lee, however were having a great time, watching the hobbits run around and scream. Aragorn glared at the laughing girls " are you aware that their screaming could alert the enemy to our presence?"

" Maybe" the girls snickered again at the hobbits. " What did you do to them anyways?" Gandalf asked the strange girls. This however, only set the girls off again " W-we replaced their Pipe-weed with C-chili pepper" was the best response the girls could come up with in between their laughter. The whole fellowship stepped a couple of steps away from Stephanie and Lee, while Frodo kept giving the girls the evil eye, and muttering something underneath his breath. " What was that?" Stephanie asked the Emo hobbit, " nothing" he glared at her before running to catch up with Gandalf. The day was ended with Stephanie's final words of wisdom " Ducks are like waterproof chickens."

~_** No reviews for chapter four... * Sniffle sniffle* I even asked nicely and everything..* Sniff sniff* Anyways. Did you guys likey? I know this chapter took a more serious turn but how was it? I've never written a more serious story before so I'm curious. There, now you guys have another reason to review... * puppy dog eyes* Pwease. :) Tell me, should Jessica live? Ha! Another reason to review! :P C'mon guys, even if it's just a thirty second review. :)**_

_**Thankyou to all who favoured this story, or me, and to all who put this story or me on alert! :D I know this chapter took a little bit longer, but Fanfiction decided to be mean, and give me a hard time. :) Plus, my life is really hectic, so I really can't set a date for updating...**_

_**Remember to review! :D **_


	6. The Singing UrukHai

Heya guys! I'm so sorry for another late update, I went on a retreat this weekend, and school has been absolutely crazy! Just a heads up, I'm going to do things a little bit differently from now on. Instead of me just writing chapters for the ideas of the list, I'm going to do more filler chapters as well, so I'll write a list chapter, and the next one will be a filler. Here's a better way of describing it: Instead of all my chapters being; List, list, list, list, filler, list, list...Ect, you get the idea. It'll be: List, filler, list, filler, list, filler, and so on. I hope you enjoy this shake up! :)

**Disclaimer: I think by now you guys have guessed that I don't own LOTR...**

Jessica was quite proud of herself, she had somehow convinced the Uruk-Hai that they had great singing voices, and they should start a singing group. Apparently all the whipping and insults they received from Saurman had greatly lowered their self-esteem. Jess smiled, all these big guys really needed was some encouragement, love, decent bread, and ( of course) auto-tuning, before they could make it big. " Are you comfortable back there, Lady of the great north?" asked the Uruk-Hai that was carrying Jessica on his back ( Jessica had named him Bob) . She nodded as the great creature turned his head to look at her before barking something to the other two ( named Dan, and Brock), Dan and Brock barked something back in reply in their native tongue before the three of them, all slowed down and began searching for a spot to rest for the night .

" Can too!"

" Can not!"

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

Pippin sighed, Lee and Stephanie were at it again, the two girls were arguing about whether Lee could bring some "furry pot maker" here just for torture reasons. He could see that the fellowship all looked like they wanted to throttle the strange girls, well, except for Frodo, but he was giving them the evil eye anyways. Pippin sighed, braced himself, and walked over to Lee and Stephanie. " who is this 'furry pot maker' that you girls are talking about?" he asked, in hopes that he could make them forget about whatever they were fighting about... Both girls stopped talking and turned to him

" what do you mean, 'furry pot maker'?" Lee asked, looking as confused as Stephanie did. He sighed " you know, Hairy Potter?" both girls looked at him funny before they burst out laughing. Pippin was lost...again... Stephanie managed to calm down first "Harry Potter is a wizard from another world, whom Lee thinks she can bring here."

" Why would she want to do that?"

" We're bored" Lee grumbled

The whole fellowship backed away in fear of what they might do. Stephanie ignored them and turned back to Lee " anyways, if you can do it, then do it."

" FINE, maybe I will" Lee glared at Steph before pulling a magic wand out of nowhere and shouting " BIPPITY-BOPPITY-BOO!" There was a flash and some smoke, but when the smoke cleared, Lee facepalmed, and Stephanie had an evil smirk on her face.

" AND A ONE, A TWO, A ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Jessica counted in for the Uruk-Hai as they began to sing.

_We can't find our duckies,_

_They just disappeared._

_They're getting a mustache,_

_And probably a beard._

_And Paul is a-torturing,_

_Our duckies all night._

_And if we don't get our duckies back,_

_There's gonna be a fight._

_Bring back, Bring back,_

_Oh, bring back my ducky to me ( to me)_

_Bring back, bring back,_

_Oh, bring back my ducky to me._

" Wonderful, wonderful" Jessica clapped as Bob, Brock, and Dan finished practicing their first single " The Rubber Ducky Blues." Brock smiled down at Jess " O Lady of the North, will you teach us some songs from your homeland?

" Jess looked around at the three hopeful singers " alright, but you might not understand some of them" she warned, but it seemed that in their excitement, the Uruk-Hai didn't hear her. Jessica sighed and began searching through her iPod for a good song...

" DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Stephanie screeched as she used her Baton to "poof" a Paintball gun, grinning like she belonged in some mental asylum, as she pelted the poor girl that had arrived in the smoke caused by Lee.

Boromir leaned over to Lee " who is this girl, and why is Stephanie trying to kill her?"

" He, he" Lee looked sheepish " I accidentally 'poofed' the wrong character. This girls name is Katniss Everdeen, one of the worst characters ever created." Lee paused and glanced over at Stephanie "Why is Steph trying to kill her? Well, as mentioned before, she _is_ a terrible character, and Stephanie just hates her anyways..." She seemed to just realize something "Come to think of it, Stephanie hates anything that has to do with the Hunger Games, except for Gale..." Boromir shook his head and walked away, leaving Lee to try and figure out how to get rid of this 'Katniss Everdeen' before Stephanie caused some real damage.

Stephanie pouted when Lee 'poofed' Katniss away. " I was going to kill her" she whined, glaring at the other girl.

Lee rolled her eyes " violence is _not_, I repeat, _not_, always the answer"the Katniss hater just glared at her" Says you" she muttered before running up to Legolas." Hey blondie!" Stephanie yelled in his ear, the poor elf winced " what?" he sounded tired " I haven't forgotten that you _murdered_ Fred" Legolas just ignored the crazy girl, and walked over to Aragorn.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me  
>You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing<br>You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded  
>You, pickin' on the weaker man<p>

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow  
>But you don't know what you don't know<p>

Someday I'll be living in a big old city  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean<br>Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean<p>

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation  
>You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them<br>I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you  
>I just wanna feel okay again<p>

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold  
>But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road<br>And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean<br>Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean<p>

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game  
>With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening<br>Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things  
>Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing<p>

But all you are is mean  
>All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life<br>And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah<br>Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
>And all you're ever gonna be is mean<p>

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city  
>(Why you gotta be so mean?)<br>And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
>(Why you gotta be so mean?)<br>Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
>(Why you gotta be so mean?)<br>And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Bob, Brock, and Dan barked in delight as they finished singing Taylor Swift's "Mean" before they sat down with their 'manager' Jessica. The Curly haired girl grinned at the three Uruk-hai " I just had the greatest idea guys!"She jumped up with excitement " you guys could perform that for Saurman!" she cried, looking at the trio hopefully.

Bob, Brock, and Dan discussed among themselves in their native tongue before nodding " We...will do it" Dan rumbled. " Great" Jessica clapped with delight " Let's start practising guys!"

The fellowship had _finally_ reached Lothlorien, although Stephanie jumping on Legolas's back and dubbing him ' her noble steed' as revenge for killing 'Fred' did not make the trip any easier. It had taken twenty minuets or so to convince the elves that, yes, the girls were staying with them, and no, they were not to be attacked ( that last one was more for the safety of the elves, than for the girls). Lady Galadriel did her mind reading trick, and Celeborn has asked about Gandalf, for he much desired to speak with him ( causing the girls to giggle), and finally they had been led to where they would stay the night.

The fellowship was all resting in someway or another. Lee was reading the history of Middle Earth books for the eleventh time, Legolas was resting his sore back, Sam was writing failed attempts at poetry ( although no one had the courage to tell him so, due to their rational fear of frying pan- wielding hobbits), Merry and Pippin were devising ways to get Sam to shut up, Frodo was sulking (again), Aragorn was waking Gimli up ( he fell asleep while Sam was reciting his awful poetry), Gimli was attempting to stay awake ( and failing, that's why we need Aragorn), and Stephanie was doing her best to make Frodo's miserable life even more miserable.

Lee watched in amusement as Frodo offered the one Ring to Galadriel ( she was planning on using this for blackmail), and as Galadriel almost took it. This is why The Lady of Light was always one of her favourite characters, she was offered the one thing that could make her more powerful than anyone else, and yet, she refused. Sure she was tempted by it, but she ultimately refused it.

As Frodo walked off Lee stepped out into the light, narrowing her eyes as Galadriel smiled " you knew I was there the whole time, didn't you" Lee grumbled causing the Elleth to chuckle " Why yes, I did. Would you like to look into the mirror?"

She took a step back nervously " I don't know... What will I-" Lee stopped herself " No, don't answer that, I don't need you whole ' even the wisest cannot tell, for the mirror shows many things, Lecture." Galadriel merely nodded before pouring more water from the mini waterfall behind her, into the mirror/ birdbath. Lee stepped forward slowly to the mirror/birdbath, gripped the sides, and looked in. What she saw horrified her, it frightened her so much, that she stumbled backwards and fell on the ground with a cry of fear.

What Galadriel said next was said through mind-speak "_ do you see what will happen if you do not keep things on the right path? I know what you saw, and it must never happen. Also,"_ she added _" I do not recognize those other people you saw, but from what I have seen, they will only bring destruction to this world, if you see them, you __**must**__ kill them."_ Lee nodded before she got up and ran up the stairs, not looking back.

Jessica tried to hide behind Bob as he, Brock, and Dan conversed with the mini army of Uruk-Hai that they had run into on their way to Isengard. Bob turned to her, looking triumphant " They will get what they need from this forest, and we will wait for them on the outskirts, and when they finish we will all go together to Isengard." Jess smiled nervously, still not trusting these other Uruk-Hai completely and nodded. She climbed up on Bob's back, and they took off, speeding through the forest.

Stephanie was concerned, they were leaving to meet Galadriel, receive their gifts, and leave Lothlorien forever, and _still_ no sign of her younger sister. She sighed, if they hadn't run into her already, then she was probably headed somewhere else, she would just have to text Jess later. "Stephanie" Boromir called, bringing the girl out of her thoughts " coming" she called back, jogging to catch up with the group.

Lee really hated the seating arrangements for the boats, She , of all people, was stuck with Aragorn and Frodo ( she didn't mind Aragorn, but Frodo was becoming unbearable) . Stephanie ( lucky duck), was sitting with Blondie, Pippin, and Gimli ( Pippin and Stephanie were both really small, so they were able to fit without being squished), and in the last boat was Boromir, Sam, and Merry. She sighed as she heard laughter, Pippin and Stephanie were having a splashing war with Merry and Sam, why did Steph get to have all the fun, after all, she _was_ the authoress, she should be having fun... Lee entertained herself by going through her list of what everyone got. 

_Legolas: Lothlorien bow, Gimli: three strands of Galadriel's hair, Aragorn: a mini lecture ( some gift), Merry and Pippin: Daggers, Sam: shiny silver rope, Frodo: Middle Earth version of a flashlight, Boromir: a shiny golden belt with a silver leaf, Stephanie: Maps of Middle Earth, Me: a piccolo thingy. _Lee had forgotten what the Piccolo was supposed to do, so she had decided to blow it when Boromir blew the horn of Gondor.

Lee groaned as she looked at the sky, " LOOK OUT GUYS" She shouted, drawing everyone's attention to the sky. With swift, expert movements, Aragorn, Boromir, and Legolas swerved the boats to the side and stared in complete surprise as "ADLKJGN39FN002399" fell from the sky and landedin the water right beside them.

" Quick" Aragorn called " we must reach our destination by tomorrow" Legolas and Boromir nodded and began to paddle faster, dodging that random letters and numbers that were falling from the sky.

By the next day, the fellowship had reached the eastern shore, and they had begun to build a campfire. It wasn't long before Gimli began to frighten the hobbits with a detailed description of what their path would be like and Aragorn had to shut him up. He froze however when he noticed that both Frodo and Boromir were missing, and the chase began.

Stephanie and Lee charged through the forest calling Frodo's name, pretending that they didn't know what was going to happen, while keeping an eye out for Jessica.

" Look" Steph hissed, pointing to where Frodo and Aragorn stood, talking...very close to each other. Lee couldn't resist " BROMANCE!" She called before the two girls ran into the clearing only to be surrounded by Uruk-Hai. " Fox dung" Lee growled before pulling out her wand, and Stephanie pulled out her baton.

Lee had just poofed Biggoron's Sword when she noticed Stephanie angrily hitting her baton against her hand " nooooooooooooooooo" she cried, hitting it against her hand even harder. Lee rolled her eyes, chopping the head off one of the creatures " what's wrong?"

" the batteries are dead!"

"AGAIN? Here, I brought some batteries"

" this is my back up baton, it takes triple A, not double A!"

" YOU IDIOT!"

Thankfully, before anyone got hurt ( besides the Uruk-Hai) Blondie, Gimli, and Aragorn showed up and began killing off the monsters. They were only allowed a moment of epicness though, as everyone booked it when they Heard Boromir's Horn of Gondor.

Lee pulled out her Piccolo as she ran, dodging the arrows sent her way _ okay, I've only got a few minuets so I've got to hurry, _ Lee took a deep breath, and she blew the wind instrument for a few moments, before a sudden pain erupted in her side, and she collapsed onto the ground.

Thankyou to DragongirlIM, Hero of the mind, and Blackpanther101 for reviewing! I love you guys! ( in a non-creepy way). Review, or I'll send Link after you ( see chapter four)... When you review, tell me what idea on the list you want me to do ( except for 4-7, I'm saving those for sometime in November to Christmas) and tell me what you think the piccolo does.

Happy reading!

~ Foundations of Stone. :D


	7. The Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves

_Hey Guys! I know it's been a long time, and I feel really bad about that... Hopefully though, the Halloween oneshot I wrote up helped pass the time. :) I hope... I also forgot to mention in the last chapter that I don't own Katniss, Harry Potter, or any T-Swizzle songs... oops, my bad. Anyways, time for my loverly excuses as to why I haven't posted in a little while. Also, as an apology for not posting, I'm going to put two ideas into one chapter. Yay!_

_A) I was sick with a lung, throat, ear, and sinus infection. Not fun..._

_B) lack of sleep. I suffer from a mild case of insomnia ( my mom says it's due to my weird teenage hormones... Meh)_

_lack of inspiration. You know, that evil thing created by Sauron, Ganondorf, and Darth Vader called writers block? ... Cause they're jealous of all the other characters who get sappy romance fanfictions... That I absolutely can't stand... So really there's no reason to be jealous... Stupid villains..._

**Disclaimer: I don't only anything from LOTR, Star Wars, Legend Of Zelda, or Advil, or Polysporin... Yep I don't own anything... I'm that cool **

_Anyways, on with the story!_

13. Teach Merry and Pippin " I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves

16. Wash Aragorn's hair in a nearby river, nearly drowning him in the process.

Lee awoke with a throbbing headache. " where's my stupid Advil when I need one" she growled to herself, groping around in her jean pocket for one of the magical, green pills, that would ease the pain of her pounding skull. She smiled as she somehow managed to find a water bottle and an Advil in her awesome magical, endless pocket... That she stole from Link. Lee laughed aloud as she pictured the green-capped hero, running around trying to save the world, while trying to carry all of his stuff in his arms. Either that or he would need a lot of bags.

The chestnut-haired girl sighed with relief as her headache slowly disappeared. " Now, time to figure out what happened, and where I am" she said to no-one in particular, before she stood and stretched. Lee winced as she felt a slight pain in her side, and looked down to find a slightly infected wound in her side. She grumbled a little bit more as she dug around in Her ( Link's) pocket, searching for the tube of polysporin that she always carried with her.

Five minuets later, the polysporin was successfully applied to her wound, and Lee had determined that the Piccolo Galadriel had given her, had teleported her to some rocky slope-where she could see the forest way off in the distance- the green leaves on the trees, a dark green haze on the horizon. She stiffened and whipped her head around as she heard soft voices close by. As she crept closer, she could almost make out what they were saying.. _just __a __little __bit__ closer,__ almost __there,__ avoid__ those__ twigs __on __the __ground-_ " Aw shoot " she muttered under her breath as she stepped on the twigs, the cracking noise causing the two males in front of her to draw their swords and quickly turn around to face her.

Stephanie was _not_ having a good day. No, dear reader, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her sister had been kidnapped by Uruk-Hai, that Merry and Pippin shared the same fate as her sister, that Boromir was dead, or that Lee was missing.

No, it was a bad day because, she realized that, even though she had pre-ordered The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword from Middle-earth, the UPS guys had no way of getting it to her, also, she had discovered that Legolas and Gimli hated her singing.

For example, when Stephanie had been singing "we're off to see the Uruk-Hai" , Legolas had muttered something in Elvish and looked away, while Gimli had winced, covered his ears, and glared at her.

Meanwhile, Aragorn seemed to have decided that today was ' bore-Stephanie-to-death' day and was using as few facial expressions as possible. Not fun.

So dear reader, as you know by now, the girls when bored do _strange_ things, so what had Steph decided to do? Why make fun of everyone's favourite ranger of course!

" Hey! Legolas!"

"What?" Legolas asked warily, looking as if he expected another army of rabid fan-girls to come charging through the woods at any moment.

" why did the chicken cross the road?" Stephanie waited a few moments, before she decided the Elf's silence was a cue to go on. " To get away from Aragorn's stench!" she crowed, before Aragorn pushed back a branch in front of him and let it swing back into Steph's face. " Hey!" she cried " that's not very nice of you!" her only response from Aragorn was the evil eye.

By now, smart, nice people would have shut up and continued running through the forest, but Stephanie was neither smart nor nice, so she continued on.

" Hey Gimli!"

The Dwarf sighed " what?"

" What's smelly, Gondorian, and suffers from multiple personality disorder?"

" Now Lass-" Gimli began, but was cut off by Stephanie " Give up? It's Aragorn!" she cried gleefully before she received another branch in the face.

" Party pooper" she muttered under her breath, while glaring at the ranger. She instantly started devising a plan for somehow getting the ranger to wash his hair as the group began to pick up the pace.

Jessica wasn't surprised when the group of Uruk-Hai came out of the woods with two hobbits on their backs, but was all the same happy to see her two favourite Hobbits, alive. " Hi guys." she cheerfully called over to the two captives " top 'o the mornin' to ya!"

" Are you alright Jess? Did they harm you?" was the normally cheerful Hobbit's reply. Jess leaned down from her perch atop Brock's back to his ear and murmured " can we go over there, just so I can talk to them?" Brock nodded and rumbled something to Dan and Bob " if that is what you wish O lady of the white north" they chorused and ran over to the other Uruks.

Jess smiled at Pippin and Merry as they arrived " these three aren't all that bad, we've actually become great friends in the short time we've been together" she tried to sound as reassuring as possible, but the hobbits still seemed upset. She sighed " it'll work out guys, I promise" she smiled " before I leave, I want to teach you a song that you can use to annoy these guys." Jess giggled as Pippin's eyes lit up, and both Hobbits had tiny smirks as she taught them " I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" before she nodded and her little group took off.

Jessica sighed as they approached Rohan, she really didn't want to leave her new friends, but the Uruk-Hai had insisted that she would be safer if they left her outside if Edoras and continued to Isengard without her. " must we really do this?" she asked her musical trio, feeling herself getting all teary-eyed as they nodded sadly.

" yes" Dan rumbled " but we will be back for you." "I know" she whispered sadly, as she knew that she would never see her friends again. " remember the signal" Brock instructed her Bob helped her down from his back. She nodded before pulling the three creatures into a group hug, bursting into tears, and running the rest of the way to the gate of Edoras.

" What are you doing here" Sam tried his best to look and sound threatening, but being the fat hobbit he was, he failed. Lee stood up and glared at him, and in her most serious voice she replied " I sense a disturbance in the Force." "What?" both hobbits looked so bamboozled, Lee had to laugh.

" never mind, I was just kidding you, or was I? Maybe I wasn't, what if I was a Sith? I could easily choke you. That would be fun, Yessir fun it would be. Now I sound like Yoda, weird." She rambled in an attempt to confuse them more, obviously succeeding.

She stood on a rock " look guys, I'm a sith, I use this energy magic like thingy called the Force! The force allows me to choke people, like this!" She then held out her hand in a very Sith/Jedi like way and shouted " FORCE CHOKE!" and held her hand out in front of Frodo, who seemed to think that she was actually choking him.

Frodo placed his hands over his throat and began whisper-shouting at Sam to make Lee stop. Sam turned to the girl and shouted " Stop it! Can't you see you're killing him?" Lee slowly lowered her hand and smiled menacingly at the two hobbits "very well" _might __as __well __go__ along __with __Frodo's __stupidity, __if __I__ can __keep __this __up, __who __knows __what __else __I __could __get __away __with_. The hobbits began to walk away, but stopped when they noticed that Lee was following them. " Go." was all Frodo said " no" she replied hotly " want me to choke you again?" Frodo shook his head quickly " you can come" he sighed before the trio set off in the general direction of Mount Doom.

Stephanie pushed Aragorn underwater, scrubbing his hair with floral scented shampoo at the same time while glancing over at the river bank to make sure that Legolas and Gimli hadn't found their belongings and come to their comrade's rescue. You see, they had stopped at a nearby river to get a drink, and when they bent over to scoop up the water, Steph had pushed them in, stolen all of Legolas' and Gimli's weapons, hidden them in the surrounding area, and begun to wash Aragorn's hair for what seemed to be the first time in his whole eighty-even years.

She snickered as Aragron managed to get out of her grip, and swim to the surface, gasping for air. " Why did you do that! You could have killed me!" she shouted at Stephanie, dragging her over to the riverbank. " Hey" she snapped " cool it bro, I just washed you hair, no biggie." Aragorn just glared at her and stormed off to find his elven and dwarf friends.

Merry and Pippin were in a bad situation. They were currently surrounded by fifty or so hungry Uruk-hai, Goblins, and Orcs. Not a good place for two hobbits. So they did the only thing the remembered.

" I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,

EVERYBODY'S NERVES,

EVERYBODY'S NERVES!

I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,

AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES ( bom bom bom)"

The duo repeated this oh so annoying song so many times, that when the Rohirrim arrived, the Uruks, Orcs, and Goblins all exploded. Some of the bodies landed on two of the riders, killing them, and leaving two awesome looking horses available. In all the chaos, nobody noticed the two hobbits run into Fangorn Forest- the one forest where you can find giant, walking, talking, trees! Who apparently are having issues finding other giant, walking, talking trees- with the lone Goblin survivor right behind them.

_Ta-Da! How did you guys like it? Again, I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. :/ Anyways, Review! Why? Because they make me happy. :) I'm always open to new ideas, for either the list, just the story in general, or if you really wan to, your oc to assist with the tormenting! :)_

_If __you __review, __Tell __me __what __your __favorite __subject __in __school __is. __Or __if __you __don't __want __to __do __that, __tell __me,__ who__ you __like __best:__Lee,__Jessica,__or __Stephanie_?

Review, Review Review!

Happy reading.

~ Foundations of Stone


	8. The Failure That Was The Dream Council

**Hey, Hey, Hey! Hello, Hello, Hello! I have returned! Did you guys miss me? Awwwww, I knew you did. XD Anyways, I haven't updated because I'm currently in the process of beating Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess two more times before Skyward Sword comes out, reading my Bible, and trying to finish the Silmarillion... I'm a busy gal, even though I hate being busy...**

**Anyways, I forgot to mention this last chapter: Butterfly Ninja, you are absolutely allowed to use Simba... I just wish I had another way of contacting you. :P**

**Skyward Sword comes out in twelve days!**

Lee was having the time of her life, convincing her two hobbit companions that she could do various things that she... well, obviously couldn't. _I__ wonder __what__ Frodo __would __look __like __with __a __Mohawk._Was one of the various random thoughts that popped into her head while marching her way to Mount Doom.

She groaned as the three of them passed the _same_ twisted tree, for the fifth time! " Hold on" Frodo spoke for the first time in a while " we've been here before" Lee rolled her eyes at the clueless hobbits. " Oh, gee thanks Sherlock" she growled through clenched teeth, ignoring the evil eye Sam gave her. Frodo took one more glance around before sitting down on a flat stone with a defeated sigh and announcing " we're lost."

Sam and Lee followed the emo hobbit's example and sat down as well. Frodo looked over at Sam " what do we have to eat?" The chubby hobbit smiled as he pulled some food wrapped in leaves out of his bag. "Well" he began " we've got Lembas, lembas, and oh look, _more_ Lembas" Lee smirked while Frodo chuckled " nothing ever gets you down, does it Sam." The frying pan-wielding hobbit's smile faded as he looked at the grey sky above them " those rainclouds might" he sighed. Lee glanced up from her piece of Lembas " now would be a good time to look for shelter, dontcha think?" she suggested, getting off the ground and stretching her sore legs.

Frodo looked around the mountainside, his eyes lighting up as he noticed a small crack in the rock that would serve as a decent shelter for the trio. " Why don't we stay there for the night?" he suggested, leading the way after Lee and Sam wearily nodded. Frodo sighed once more as he felt some raindrops, tonight would be a long night.

" They stole it from usss, we musst get it back" hissed a scrawny creature, as it crept towards the sleeping girl and hobbits. Can you guess who it was? Twenty reader points to you, it was Gollum! The former hobbit continued murmuring phrases like that as he reached his hand out towards the ring, which happened to be on Frodo's neck.

It was at this moment that Sam woke up, shouting a battle cry as he tried to jump Gollum. It was no use, as Gollum had spent most of his life dodging creatures and climbing things, and Sam... well, hadn't.

Frodo, having been woken up by all the commotion, screamed when he noticed a hand hovering right above his neck. This also caused Lee to wake up, and believe me, waking up an already sleep-deprived Lee was basically suicidal.

The fifteen year old quickly scrambled to her feet roaring " ALL RIGHT, WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLUMBER!" completely ignoring the fact that Gollum had just bitten Sam's shoulder, and that Frodo was attempting to dogpile Gollum... Well, that's what it looked like anyways. She continued to roar various phrases like: "FEE FI FOE FUM, I SMELL A GOLLUM EATING MY CHUM" and so on, and so on.

The rest of the evening was spent trying to tie Gollum with Sam's epic, shiny, silver, Elven-made, rope... While trying to avoid the raging teenage girl who was stomping on whatever she could find.

It was official, Stephanie hated horses. It was bad enough that she was allergic, but after the ride to Fangorn Forest, she had a rather sore behind.

Now the four of them were trekking through the dense forest, looking for any signs of Merry and Pippin, and Aragorn was giving her the cold shoulder. Turns out he was still pretty mad about the whole ' hair washing incident'. Legolas was going on about how awesome the elves were, and how they started the Ents... Gimli seemed pretty peeved about that, so he started going on about how the dwarves were amazing at miming and forging and stuff like that... Long story short, Stephanie had _nothing_ to do.

The company halted as Legolas murmured to Aragorn " the White Wizard approaches." The company all took up a fighting stance, well, except for Stephanie who had sat cross-legged on the ground and was eating popcorn from who-knows-where.

She watched in amusement as the man, elf, and dwarf all tried attacking the wizard, and failed. Stephanie stood as the other bowed when they realized it was Gandalf, not Saurman. Steph grinned and ran over to Gandalf crying " daddyyyyyy, you came to love meeeeee." She then began to prance around the confused wizard singing " They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard" earning a few weird looks from the others.

" Wait, wait wait. You're saying that after we came all this way to find Merry and Pippin, that they're alright, AND we have to go to Edoras?" Stephanie wailed as she trudged behind the group, back towards the horses. Gandalf sighed "yes, that is _exactly_ what I am saying. That is the plan, so I suggest you get used to it." Stephanie sighed and said nothing...For once... " I still hate horses" she grumbled as Aragorn helped her onto his horse. " Why couldn't we have taken a dragon or something... I'm not allergic to-ACHOO- dragons" Gimli raised an eyebrow " and where do you suppose we would find a dragon?" Stephanie smiled " easy, just hire a Hufflepuff, they excel at _finding_ things."

" A huffle-what?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes " a hufflepuff, a kind of student from Hogwarts that enjoys finding stuff." The company nodded, pretending to understand everything the crazy girl was saying.

Just as the adults in the group were becoming accustomed to the blissful silence, someone had to break it. Another ten reader points to you, it was Stephanie!. She began singing some random song about a moose " Once there was a moose ( once there was a moose)" and she continued singing it until Edoras was in sight .

Meanwhile in Edoras, a short, curly-haired girl was pacing back and forth in her chambers. Waiting for something, anything, to happen. When Jessica had arrived at the gates, she had collapsed from lack of food, water, and sleep. When one of the guards found the girl lying on the ground, he had sent word to the king, but as the king was in no state to really do... Well, anything. So the lovely shield maiden of Rohan had taken charge. Eowyn, being the awesome person that she was, had ordered that Jessica be brought to stay with her, and had basically taken the thirteen year old under her wing.

Jess smiled as she looked at herself in the mirror. One maid had noticed that Jessica lacked appropriate clothing ( apparently a T-shirt and jeans weren't considered appropriate) and had brought the guest some dresses that no longer fit her. Now usually Jess wasn't a fan of dresses, but she couldn't decline such a kind offer, that would've hurt the maid's feelings. She had also discovered the the maid's name was Cynwise, and was only one year older then Jessica.

Currently, Jessica was wearing her favourite of the dresses. It was a deep, earthy green dress that flowed down to just below her ankles, it had a dark brown trim, and the neckline was almost like a 'V'. The material seemed to be a velvety fabric, and the sleeves were large and droopy. Cynwise ( or Cyn as Jess liked to call her) had helped Jessica make a garland out of small, pale, white flowers, and dark brown twisted branches which accented the dress perfectly.

Jessica was staring out the window, searching for any signs of her Uruk-Hai friends. But there was none. She jumped as she heard the door creak open. Jessica spun around, only to find Cynwise poking her head through the door " I'm sorry miss, but there are some visitors that are heading for the hall, and I thought you might want to see them. You've been quite restless these past few days."

Jess smiled and stepped away from the window " c'mon" she linked her arm through Cynwise's and started down the hall " let's go greet some guests." _was __I __that __obvious__?_

What the girls saw as they entered the main hall, was what Jess had been waiting for. Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn were pretty much defeating the guards without having to even put that much of an effort into it. Gandalf was releasing Theoden from Saurman's clutches. And Stephanie was... Well, no one was really sure what she was doing. She seemed to be skipping around the hall singing " we are the champions" but why ? No one would ever know.

After Theodred's funeral, Stephanie immediately crashed on the bed that she had been told was hers. " Time for some sleep" she murmured as she drifted off into dreamland.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing in a green meadow, surrounded by trees. Nearby, Lee sat on a rock playing something on her DS. Lee looked up and shut her DS off as Jessica also arrived in the meadow.

Stephanie frowned " where are we?" Lee smiled " we're in a dream. I decided that we needed to meet and discuss what we were going to do next, so I created this dream council." Jessica nodded before turning to Stephanie " do you have the list?" the older girl dug around in her pocket before she pulled it out and proudly waved it around. " I found it!"

Lee sighed " yes, we see that."

" shut up"

" No, you should stop being so sensitive" lee growled at Stephanie.

Jess nervously stepped between the girls " c'mon guys, don't we have a plan to make?" The two girls glared at her before they resumed fighting.

" I. Am. Not. Sensitive!"

" Are too"

" Are not"

"Are too "

"Are not"

So the rest of the dream council went something like this. As you can see, it wasn't the most productive thing the girls had done, but the girls never really did anything productive anyways, so it didn't matter.

**Hey guys! I know, it's short but I was writing this at one in the morning, zero inspiration. Normally this spot would be reserved for people who reviewed, but as nobody did, this poor space got lonely. Anyways, did you guys like it? Also, if you have an OC you want to send in, here's a form**

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Personality:**

**Weapon/power/awesome skill:**

**Who will they travel with ( IE: Jessica, Stephanie, or Lee):**

**Fear(s):**

**Who they hate the most:**

**Who their main target is ( optional):**

**You can PM me any Ideas you have for the list, I'm always open for more ideas or advice.**

**Remember to review guys!**

**~ Foundations of Stone.**


	9. Allergies

**Yay, I'm back! :P Sorry if I mess up any of the lines, I haven't seen or read LOTR in a very long time. Sorry if there are any mistakes, I typed this up on my phone. **

**Skyward Sword is AMAZING! * cue fangirl squeal* Skyward Sword will be taking up most of my time. Due to it's awesomeness. XD**

**Blarg, I have a sore throat... Stupid immune system, it really needs to do it's job every once in awhile.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: really guys? Is this really necessary?**

**Tell**** Sam**** that ****you ****accidentally ****dropped ****the ****Ring ****in ****the ****soup ****that ****he ****just ****ate**.

** Give Frodo lots of sugar/ caffeine, and have him sing " We All Live In The Yellow Submarine." **

" And what does the king say?"

Jessica watched as Hama walked outside onto a platform like thing, and addressed the people, saying "By order of the king, the city must empty. We make for the refuge of Helm's Deep. Do not burden yourself with treasures. Take only what provisions you need."

Jessica turned and ran towards the room that she and her sister shared. Stephanie would be relived to hear that they were leaving Edoras, and heading to Helms Deep.

When Jessica entered the room, the first thing she noticed was Stephanie curled up in the bed, with a pile of empty boxes of allergy medication and another small pile of inhalers beside her.

When Stephanie raised her head to see who had come in, Jessica nearly fell over from shock. Steph looked terrible! Her eyes were completely bloodshot and swollen, she had hives all over her skin, and Jess could practically hear her older sister wheezing from across the room.

" Are we- ACHOO- leaving yet?" Stephanie asked, hope filling her puffy eyes. " Yeppers, so let's head outside!" Jessica ordered, as she began to lead the way to Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf, occasionally looking back to make sure the allergy sufferer was following her.

"No." Stephanie glared at the horse Aragorn had suggested she share with Jessica. " I am so-ACHOO- sick of riding horses." " no pun intended" she added before getting off the stone she had been sitting on. " I will be walking to Helms Deep." Stephanie announced before marching off to join the giant train of people beginning to head out.

~*0*~

" I don't trust him" Lee muttered to Sam as they walked slightly behind Frodo and Gollum. The chubby hobbit seemed to think that she was referring to Gollum for some random reason. Why shouldn't Lee trust Gollum? Frodo was the untrustworthy one. After all, the scrawny former hobbit would be held accountable by the One Ring. Frodo, however, was a butt trumpet. He, as we all know, would end up treating Sam like garbage...

Soon the four of them were seated around a slowly dying fire, eating some soup. " mmmmm" Lee grinned in an almost cat-like manner as she turned to Sam. " This soup is really good, the ring was a nice touch. It adds just the right amount of crunch to it."

" What?" Frodo cried, immediately reaching for the chain around his neck, while Sam just began to stutter. " I didn't put it in Mr. Frodo, honest! I swear!"

Finally, Lee couldn't contain herself anymore. She began to laugh. Not any kind of laugh, I mean rolling on the ground until she could barely breathe, kind of laugh. " Y-you should have seen the looks on your faces" she managed to gasp through her giggles, ignoring the looks she was receiving from her ' companions'.

" Why you little Stinker, we ought to leave you right here, and let the wolves deal with you." Sam growled to clenched teeth, reaching for his sword. Lee immediately jumped up, holding her hands out in front of her " now now Master Gamgee, don't be hasty, we wouldn't want to make any bad decisions, would we now."

This seemed to calm him down. The gardener glanced over to Frodo, then back to Lee " no more funny business " he narrowed his eyes as he muttered this, and went back to staring at the fire... Or, at least what was left of it

~*0*~

Stephanie sighed in relief as she saw the fortress of Helms Deep appear on the horizon. She knew, like any other Lord Of The Rings fan, that the battle with the wargs was coming up. " I hope I get a good view of one" Steph sighed to herself " I've never seen a warg before."

" And you better hope it stays that way lass" commented a man who had apparently overheard Stephanie talking to herself. He shook his head " wargs are not creatures you ever want to meet." She sighed as she then walked away to see her sister.

Jessica's joy at seeing her sister almost back to normal was short lived. Hearing the voice that alarmed the people to the presence of wargs, sent a shiver down her spine. Judging from the screams of the women and children, wargs were not the kind of creature you would sit down and share a cup of tea with. Jessica never functioned very well when she was in panic mode, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She grabbed her protesting older sister, hauled her onto the horse, and rode for her life.

If Stephanie had hated riding horses before, she _really_ despised it now. Riding as fast as you could, on a bumpy terrain, while the person steering had zero experience, was anything but fun. Not to mention that they were weaving through women, children, elders, and people carrying the sick, trying not to crush anybody. " I can't wait until we get to Helms deep, and we can hang out in the- ACHOO- caves... _Away_ from horses or animals of any kind." Steph grumbled to her younger sibling while clinging onto the horse for dear life. The fifteen year old scowled as the sisters came to a particularly bumpy area " did I mention how much I _hate_ riding horses in panic mode?" Jess rolled her eyes " only about fifty times since Fangorn." " Really?" Stephanie sounded surprised " I was so sure it was more than that". Jessica groaned and face palmed.

~*0*~

" Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!" Lee shouted as she ran right behind Frodo. The depressing hobbit turned to her " what is it" he sighed. The girl smirked as she pulled out a cup of coffee, five packets of sugar, and a can of energy drink. " Here" she smiled at Frodo " these will give you tons of energy." Frodo narrowed his eyes " I do not believe you."

Lee sighed " want me to prove it to you?" When the hobbit nodded, she began to chug the coffee and sing:

" THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT COFFEE,

IS COFFEE'S A WONDERFUL THING!

THE BOTTOM LEAVES LOTS OF SUGAR,

THE TOP LEAVES FUNNY, BROWN RINGS!

IT'S BOUNCY TROUNCY, BOUNCY TROUNCY,

FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN!

THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT COFFEE IS,

THIS IS ME AFTER ONE!"

Lee then began to shake and twitch uncontrollably, while holding the coffee out to Frodo. "See? It works!" she exclaimed, still a bit hyper from the coffee. Frodo then began to reach for the coffee " wait!" Lee cried, pulling it back. " You must do one thing for me" she pulled out her ipod " you must sing this song." She then showed the song to Frodo, who agreed, only if he got the sugar and energy drink as well.

The next few hours were spent listening to Frodo sing " We all live in the yellow submarine"... Over, and over and over again. Lee was pretty sure Sam looked like he wanted to hit something with is frying pan.

~*0*~

" Helm's Deep!"

" We're saved!" These were some of the cries of joy that the girls heard as the travellers drew closer to the mountain stronghold. Jessica was excited to see someplace new, while Stephanie was just glad she could stop riding soon.

As they entered Helms Deep, Stephanie could not help but admire Eowyn's organizational and leadership skills. She seemed to know the exact place for everything, and went about it in a very confident manner.

By nightfall, Aragorn had returned, and all of the solders were in the positions. The elves had also arrived, but unfortunately the girls were in the caves by then.

Stephanie began to pace back and forth " Argggg I need something to do!" she exclaimed, her irritated tone causing some of the younger children to cry, and their mothers to give Stephanie death glares. Jess began to search around inside her memory for way to entertain her older sister. Then it hit her. No, really it literally hit her. Stephanie was making words out of chocolate and throwing them everywhere and the word 'it' hit her right in the face.

This was going to be a long night.

**I'm sorry this is so short, but It's the best I can do right now... Thanks to Elven Ninja for reviewing. :D Anyways, if you guys review tell me, should the (rabid) fangirls come back for another shot at dearest Blondie? MUAHAHAHAHA * cackles evily until dragged off by said rabid fangirls***

**Review, review, review! :)**

**~ Foundations of Stone **

**P.S. If anyone can guess where " HEY! LISTEN!" came from, they get a bowl of Sam's infamous potato soup XD  
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